Finding Our Identity

"Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am? ... Who do you say I am?" Matthew 16:13, 15

This seems like a lead up to the lyrics of the song which I had posted a few days ago. Pastor Daniel decided to take the opportunity to ask us "Who do you say you are?". If Jesus was unafraid to declare Himself as the Messiah, the Son of Man, the Son of God, against all odds (and really the odds were quite stacked against Him), then why should we be afraid to say who we are? Cos we're His Beloved -- and that's something that many people don't grasp.

"I'm a lawyer. I graduated from Cambridge and am currently in Columbia Law School." This piece of information usually takes some time to get out of me because of the following:

(1) Lawyers are generally not your best friends -- particularly if your company has just been taken over, or you've been sued to the point of bankruptcy. But this does not bother me so much cos I've not committed to any of these "heinous" deeds and have no sense of guilt with respect to such victims of the legal profession.

(2) Cambridge intimidates -- apparently. In Singapore I usually just say that I study in "the UK" as if that conjures up some imperialistic image of a great Empire bustling with activity -- both economic and intellectual. In Columbia too, I used to say that I got my law degree in "the UK". And people would press the question and ask "Where in the UK?" Then the inevitable hesitation. Slight pause. And finally "Cambridge" would spill out. Like I told Nick Smith (a hyper gregarious exuberant Aussie who's superbly nice to everyone he meets) , I hesitate to tell people I'm from Cambridge. There's the "Asian" reason: if I don't do well in class, then people might think that I'm not really that clever and hence did not deserve to be hail from those hallowed halls. There's also the other reason that people might think that I'm hoity-toity and too clever for socialise with them -- an impression that I might otherwise give as a result of my shyness more than anything else. And Nick said, "Yeah, go on -- just tell people you're from Cambridge heh heh... It intimidates and so what? You don't have to apologise for that!"

It was the first time anyone came right out and told me the exact impact that "Cambridge" had on people. Cos when I was in Cambridge, while I was cognizant of many many many brilliant minds (future Lord Willan of Loughborough -- *lol* -- comes to mind) , I wasn't exactly surrounded by them. They were like the bright stars in a dark sky on a clear night which you could see, unimpeded, as you sat on the Trinity Hall bank of the River Cam -- they were luminaries. They weren't everywhere in Cambridge -- and I sometimes lament (perhaps too often, I now realise) that I didn't experience a lot of the academic buzz and excitement of learning which I get here. So certainly we the new generation of "cantabs" might have been riding on the coattails of those who treaded the fabled paths before us. But the reputation still exists now -- and of course that was one great factor which lured me to Cambridge in the first place.

(3) I think Columbia Law School is great. Fantastic. And others think so too -- which again makes people go "Wah" when I tell them (and quite proudly now actually) that I'm at Columbia Law School. People here are just so excited about what they do -- I stood entranced, for a good 5 mins as a student with the Criminal Justice Action Network expounded on what they did, as I could feel the passion with which she carried out those activities. And the professors are often very inspiring. (Maybe not the one who took the class which I dropped -- but she was a notable exception.)

But the whole point of this entry is: all these attributes are purely historical in a very external sort of way. They may shed some light as to how I think, the quality of my reason. But again I think all this would be besides the point if I didn't have a Creator who gave me the ability to think -- to be "clever" in the sense the world understands. I wonder when the time will come when my first description of myself is: I am a beloved child of God. I think that's the best description because it wasn't anything I had to strive for, or struggle hard to achieve. It was free for me but it came at the price of the death of Jesus.

"He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him.
But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name:
who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God."
John 1:10-13 (NKJV)

(Aside: I really like the NKJV because it presents every single verse as a line in a poem -- which really reflects the beauty of the Word -- it is an epic poem that we should come to appreciate.)

I'd like to share the lyrics of a song:

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours


May I truly take on this identity that He purchased for me.